Saturday, March 21, 2009

Backyard Weddings

Okay, so I'm starting to get a little resentful of the self-righteousness of the backyard/diy brides who are all, "our DIY wedding was all about our family and friends and we only wanted the most important people in our lives to be with us" or whatever. I know I'm really just jealous, but still - you can brag about your wedding without being condescending! I don't think my wedding, which will absolutely not be held in my parents backyard because their backyard is a giant slope, so nobody would be able to eat, plus its in the middle of Bethesda and really, really obnoxious to the neighbors (who are about 10 feet away) and my parents are hoarders and I have no desire to have them confront their behavior over the next year in order to clean out our house enough. Plus there would have to be a rain date - there couldn't be a rainy day alternative.
That rant aside, just because we're not getting married in our parents backyard doesn't mean our wedding won't be about our family and friends. Just because I have no interest in hand-making parasols for all of our guests (I don't think anybody actually does this) doesn't mean I don't love them!
Big weddings do not equal impersonal weddings. Weddings at restaurants, churches, zoos, historic mansions, or even hotels, are not weddings by people who want their day to be all about glitz and glamor. Some of them are. But some of them are weddings by people who have big hearts and big families and too many friends (which is not a bad problem to have).
Yes, I wish we could have a fabulous backyard wedding. And while can't is a four letter word in the indie-fuck-the-WIC-wedding planning world, we can't have a backyard wedding. But we can still have a wedding that is about family and fun. And for aforementioned reasons, I want all of the people who have supported us and who will continue to support us to be able to be there, and I can't imagine shutting them out. I know that some people have very different ideas about what a wedding should be - I know one girl who got married in her dining room, with only her fiance and parents present. I know people who have gotten married at a rented beach house with 30 people. I know people who have eloped. I know a couple that seriously grabbed two friends from work and went to the courthouse at noon on a Tuesday, and then went back to work. There is no wrong way to have a wedding (there are wrong reasons, but we can talk about that later). So why do I feel so judged? Am I just defensive because I want to have a big party? Or do I really feel like somebody is telling me that just because I'm able or willing to spend more money on my wedding, it won't be about family and friends?
I know I'm overreacting. But I just wanted to remind all of the other couples out there who, for whatever reason, can't have a fabulous backyard affair, your wedding will still be about your family, your friends, about fun, about whatever you want it to be. You can still have a low-key DIY wedding, even if you have it at someplace that is less low-key.


  1. ahhh, the pressures of looking at all these DIY blogs....we all get envious, nothing wrong with it....each couple is different and want to celebrate in their own way...screw everyone else I say :-)

  2. Whoa. I don't think can't is a bad word in the indie planning world. I'm all about can't. We can't have a backyard wedding eaither. No one we know can afford a house with a backyard big enough, not in LA or SF, for starters. I'm all about can't. Can't and won't.

    And our wedding isn't small...