Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Don't you know you can't compare yourself to somebody else?

I keep telling myself this. But I can't shake the feeling that we are being unusually picky about the venue hunt. Maybe this is because of our friends who all got engaged after us, we are the only ones still looking for a venue. When people ask them if we've found a place yet, and we say no, and they ask us where we've looked and we list the oh, six or seven places we have gone, they look horrified. At our cousin's engagement party, and at my end of finals party, and on venue visits, people were all wondering why we were looking at so many places. Some people asked what was taking so long, whether we were unusually picky. The implication being that we are the problem, not the venues that happen to be around here.
Right. It has to be us, not the fact that every place around here (that fits 130 people) fails at least one of the three of our criteria - being reasonably priced, handicapped accessible, and located close enough to 95 that nobody is driving more than 4 hours to the wedding.
Maybe we're picky because we want a space that feels right for us - for both of us. Part of the problem is that we are not the same person, so we react differently and feel differently in a space. Places like Chase Court suited Mark a lot more than me, the historic mansions suit me a lot more than Mark.
We also want a lot of control over the food, and there is a specific vibe we are going for, with the caterer and the venue people. We will be much more likely to go with a place where we like the person, and let me give you a few hints as to what makes me dislike a person:
1) Talking to me and ignoring Mark.
2.) Saying "this is how we do this" and acting pained when we ask if we could do something else, then saying, "I guess we could do that - but it really wouldn't work."
3.) Acting like we should be willing to sacrifice our guest's comfort or happiness.
4.) Not getting back to us when we follow up with you.
We also have more time to be picky. Nowhere is booked yet for our date except Cloisters, and we won't cry if we don't get the date (well, its more likely that we would now because Mark just found out an interesting factoid about 10/10/10), so there is a lot of flexibility.
I worry that our pickiness is a sign that the WIC has a hold of us, that we've been sucked into the idea of having a single perfect day together - when the truth is that we have a lot of perfect days - that we want the location that when we walk into it, angels start to sing and a spotlight comes down from heaven and we immediately start to cry and say, "yes! this is where we are getting married!"
I don't expect that. Really. And no place is actually going to be perfect - but most of them are decent - so what is our holdup! Why can't we just pick one? Why is this so hard!?! Are we ridiculous for holding out like this, or is the perfect venue really out there?


  1. It's out there, and I'm here to tell you that you are abolutely allowed to hold out for "perfect". (I won't tell you how many locations I looked at when I got married the first time...6 or 7? Feh.. more like 20.

    It's not neccesarily about the "one perfect day" thing.... I think it has more to do with creating a welcoming environment for your loved ones....and if YOU aren't comfortable there (for whatever reasons), then how will they be?

  2. It's sounds like you aren't holding out for "perfect," just for something that works well for you -- which is exactly what you should be doing.

    We're in the same position -- engaged for several months, no venue chosen yet while our other engaged friends quickly snapped venues up. I attribute the difference to a few things -- (1) the fact that neither the fiance nor I were the type that dreamed of or imagined our wedding day before getting engaged (meaning we have more leg work to do just figure out what kind of wedding we want); (2) we're paying for the wedding ourselves, and have a limited budget -- since the venue determines a lot of the budget, we feel like we need to be "picky" about finding something that works for us and that we're happy to plunk so much of our hard earned dough down on; (3) like you, we're not really into the idea of a hotel ballroom, and we don't have big backyards or connections to people with ranches, vineyards, or farms, so it takes a lot of looking to find something that fits our budget and makes us happy!

  3. I don't think you're caught up in the WIC - your venue requirements are completely reasonable! It's kind of terrifying how hard it is to find a reasonably priced venue. I checked out one place just outside DC early in our engagement thinking that it wouldn't be amazing but would be convenient - until I found out about the $30,000 minimum!!