Saturday, February 27, 2010
So discuss: would these look better in plain white, with colored ribbons, or in colors with other colored ribbons?
Friday, February 26, 2010
This was one of the first weddings I went to as a "grownup" with an eye towards planning my own wedding. I don't have any pictures of the ceremony itself, so I offer you this one of their first dance. (The venue is Antrim and it's gorgeous and the risotto was amazing.)
Are you writing your own vows? If so, are you doing it together or separately?
Thursday, February 25, 2010
*besides, of course making sure your guests show up at the right place at the right time.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Voters don't go through this process. They don't know that studies show that children raised by gay parents are not any worse off than children raised by straight parents. They don't know the horrifying state of Maryland estate taxes for gay couples. They don't understand family law and gay adoption and what not being able to be married can do to a couple. (I know these things; but I have spent 3 years in law school.) Voters, on a whole, as we have seen, have a very hard time figuring out where their personal opinion ends and somebody else's legal rights begin.
How do you feel about the referendum process when it comes to gay marriage? Is it an important way to make sure we make the right decision as a state? Or is it simply something that shouldn't be up for a vote?
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
The guys boutonnieres were easy to pick. My love affair with locally grown, seasonal hypericum. Simple, manly. Cheap. Holds up well during raucous dancing.
Me: "Of COURSE yours can be fancier! What would you like?"
Mark: "Flowers. See, supra, checked out."
The florist I met with yesterday suggested a gerbera daisy. Which I said yes to at the time, and then upon second thought, have decided against. Gerberas are great. But...they can be a little much. I love the look of callas and hypericum, but they can be expensive (although it would be one calla, and maybe a few more for my bouquet) and I don't think they are local.
How about some green button mums?
Any suggestions for local flowers that are in season in October that would go well with hypericum berries?
And for funsies, in the comments, share what you do in your non-wedding-planning time to remind yourself that you are more than a bride (or groom)!
Monday, February 22, 2010
Long story short, during a test run, I stabbed myself with floral wire and turned to Mark and said, "I do not want to feel this way on my wedding day."
Oh, wait, you don't come to the blog for the short story. You come here for the long story in all it's anguishy goodness.
Over the summer, we booked Irvine and cut our flower budget to $500. I know how much flowers cost, so I knew this meant DIYing flowers. However, I also thought about it and decided a bouquet was totally unnecessary, because I wouldn't really be holding it except in a few pictures.
Then I started to have second thoughts about my dress. One of my big issues with my dress is its basque waist. I'm just not wild about it. Then I was looking at a friend's pictures, and realized her dress had a basque waist, but in the pictures, she's holding her bouquet at waist level. Problem. Solved.
Once I decided that my bouquet would be in photographs, I realized I didn't want it to look....like a craft project. Which is how my fabric flowers are coming out. (I will finish them to use as a tosser, don't worry.) I was also having second thoughts about the fabric flowers because I wasn't happy with the way they were coming out and they weren't really jibing with the vision that I had.
Finally I attempted to just use the asters and the hypericum, which looked pretty good, especially if I had bought two colors of asters. But what I was realizing was that I don't really want to do the work. Especially not on our wedding weekend, in which I would like for the priority for where we spend our time to be with our guests and not with my floral sheers.
Then I attempted to make a boutonniere, stabbed myself in the finger, and began to bleed. Then I began researching florists. I also put up an ad on Bride$hare to see if there was anybody who would like to trade days with me, and emailed a couple of friends getting married. One florist got back to me to let me know that she doesn't do Sunday weddings. The other set up with a meeting for this afternoon.
This, my friends, is what we in the Sane Wedding Biz call, "throwing money at the problem." Sure, you could call it hypocrisy, but I just call it what it is. We're all guilty of it, and this is why Mark and I left a lot of room in our budget for unexpected hiccups and give-ups and hypocrisy. We're lucky that we are able to do this, and I don't think I would have a problem DIYing bouquets other than my decision to emphasize mine in the photographs. I felt guilty as I paged through the weddingbee gallery, finding great DIY bouquets and thinking "why would I spend money on this when other brides make it look so cheap and easy?" But I just have to remind myself that it is not worth it to me to stress over this.
What problems are you throwing money at?
Friday, February 19, 2010
With the wired ribbon, just push the ribbon over the wire so you can hold on to the wire, and scrunch the ribbon down along the wire. Then twirl together and sew on the bottom, or apply hot glue. (I realize this tutorial is insufficient, if you need more instructions, just Google "wired ribbon roses.")
For this part, I actually pulled the other wire out so it was a little fluffier.
From the front:
How are your craft projects going?
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Start by cutting several strips of ribbon or fabric (about 3" long by 2"). You will also need either a button or a piece of something hard to be the center of the flower. If you want, you can use beads for embellishment. I recommend buttons though, especially ones without holes in the center so they don't look like buttons. You will also need a trusty hot-glue gun.
Monday, February 15, 2010
I started with Fun to Wear Fabric Flowers (if you are going to attempt these, you should probably check the book out from your local library like I did.):
Which told me to do this (I am using a basic muslin here, because I bought a ton of it for cheap when I was mocking up our table centerpieces):
Then you carefully wind it around itself as shown above. Do NOT press here, even though it will make your life easier. Instead, pin the seams. Then you will stitch, either by hand or by machine, down the side of the length of the fabric (and along the bottom.)
You will then gather the fabric. If you are unfamiliar with gathering, and are using a sewing machine, you want to pull on the bottom thread - it is much easier. Another helpful tip? Tie both threads around a pin as shown below to prevent the thread from being pulled through as you gather.
So then I flipped it over and wound it around itself stitched it all together (by hand) and got this:
I wasn't wild about it. It looked messy with the fraying edges, and I realized that I shouldn't have pressed every flip, because it looked too...contrived. So I tried again with a piece of fabric that I hemmed the edges on, and I didn't press each time I flipped the fabric. I actually just wound them around as I sewed at my machine, which worked for me.
(Left has the hemmed edges, right has the unhemmed.)
I was happy with how these came out, with two exceptions - the first is that the fabric is too big; the second is that it is too heavy. These flowers are quite large - great for something you are going to wear, really annoying for something that you are trying to make an entire bouquet of. Next snowstorm, I try this with a shorter length (maybe 4x24") and a fancier, lighter weight fabric.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
They don't, however, give any hints as to what explanation you should give when your significant other asks why you were whispering sweet nothings in the security guard's ear right before they whisked you away......
Friday, February 12, 2010
- Investigate wedding planners/coordinators and decide if we need one
- Sample local organic beers and wines
- Test out some eco-friendly (and sensitive skin friendly) makeup.
- Speak with some DJs and entertainers to decide if we need one.
- Check out organic/recycled/eco-friendly invites.
- Look into some ethical jewelry (and if I can remember to wear my ring, I might try to talk to them about whether it's possible to make a matching band, etc.)
- Talk to some florists
- Maybe win some prizes?
- Taste cake. We have a baker. I like cake.
It was actually more awkward to be asked about religion than pretty much anything else. We don't talk about it a lot, because I feel that it is personal. There is actually almost nothing I am more uncomfortable talking about. So being asked about it at lunch at a table full of well-meaning but varied-opinion family members was, well, disarming. The problem was also I think that some people realized it was making me uncomfortable and so they tried to change the subject and it just got even more awkward.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
"You know you're not Jewish, right?" - her
"I'm not planning to get a Jewish ketubah." - me
"You're making light of something that is sacred, and that's offensive." - her
"The ketubah isn't sacred. It's a social and legal contract." - me
"But it's something that Jews do. You're not a jew." - her
"65% of the American male population is circumsized. Nobody seems to find that offensive." - me
It continued to grate at me though. If my Unitarian sister, who married a Jewish guy, was offended that I wanted a ketubah, what the hell would my Orthodox cousins think!?! What would my much-more-Jewish family members think? I didn't want to offend anybody, but at the same time, having a ketubah was important to me. Having taken a Jewish history class, and studied marriage as an institution, I know more about the origins of the ketubah than most of my Jewish friends.
With every tradition related to this wedding, I like to break it down to three parts: "What are the origins?" "Why do I need it?" "Who will be upset if I don't have it?" For example, with bouquets - people used to bathe only once, maybe twice a year. Flowers covered the stench of a bride who hadn't washed herself in months. I shower daily. Therefore I do not need a bouquet. However, it will upset the moms if I don't have it. So I'm sucking it up.
With the ketubah, the origins, you can read about on Wikipedia - and while it's no longer necessary to have a document that spells out the dowery that Mark will give me if he divorces me, I do want to take that time to spell out our commitment, to have our vows written up and on our wall for the rest of our lives. I want our promises down on paper, so we are reminded of them. I want a constant reminder of what I will be giving up if I choose not to work at our marriage. The tradition of "what will I give you in our marriage" still remains, as a promise from both partners. It also will give us that moment on our wedding day, to read over the document and remind ourselves of what we are about to do. Truthfully, I think everybody needs a ketubah.
But how do I have one without offending people? The first step? Remove the hebrew and design our own art. The hebrew has no meaning for me, and we can't read it. (Neither can a lot of Jews, but that is their business.) I'm not signing a legal document in a language I can't read. Designing it on our own also makes it cheaper, so win-win. The second step? This one is harder. Stop calling it a ketubah. I've tried to come up with another term - either marriage contract, or vow art, or something. I need a word that I can say, and then say, "similar to the Jewish Ketubah, the Mvemjsnup is a marriage contract." (2 points to whoever gets that reference.) So brainstorm with me here - what can I call our non-Jewish marriage document? Are you going to have one? And if you're Jewish, am I offending you?
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
What don't we have?
A florist (not that we need one, although not gonna lie, the fabric flowers aren't coming along as much as hoped).
A DJ/Band/iPod playlist setup
A hair/makeup stylist
What's missing from this list?
According to The Knot, we should also start our registry about...now. I think we'll wait until well, May.
I could let the Knot checklist stress me out. Instead, I'm letting it make me say, "I don't want to do this anymore." I'm not stressfully thinking, "I must get this done." Instead, I'm thinking, "I don't have to do this." I don't! Enough already! Really, I'm supposed to be so stressed about hair and makeup that I should be interviewing stylists now? I simply am done making the big decisions. I don't want to interview DJs. I hate DJs. I don't want to even THINK about bands. All of these things cost so much money and we don't need any of them. Except a caterer. But I fully intend to have a decision by Friday, weather permitting.
There is also the officiant search, which, I will admit, does need to happen now. I've been trying. But church was closed on Sunday and my car was buried under two feet of snow. So that will happen when it happens, and if we have to, we can simply ordain a friend. It simply isn't worth worrying about.
I'm not sure that my approach of simply blowing off the items on the checklist and saying, "we don't need that/don't need to think about that" is a particularly healthy one, but at the same time, as long as we have food, drink, chairs, and a photographer, how badly will the rest of it ruin my life? Or even our wedding? Sure, invitations are important, but those will happen. We could stress about them, but that's not worth it. I don't even want to look at them right now, because Mark doesn't think it's worth discussing until we have to order them, and I'm fed up with planning and then running up against the brick wall of either indecision or "we don't have to make this decision yet."
As far as the things that matter to me, I'm past the inspiration stage, I want to start doing things. I want to start shopping, crafting, planning the things I want to plan. I want to go bridesmaid dress shopping with my friends and take my dress to a seamstress. I want to just order all the stuff for centerpieces, but I'm afraid I'll change my mind. Or that Mark will suddenly have an opinion (although maybe if I get him a Dodge Charger, he'll keep it to himself). So because I can't do the things I want to do, I don't want to do the things I have to do.
Fortunately though, I'm part of a team. And when one teammate can't get the puck in the net, the other teammate takes over and scores. And so it goes, and so, these things will get done. Probably not on the Knot's timeline, but I'm okay with that because other than the caterer, if we can't have the other stuff, we'll let it go.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
This man asked me to marry him, and I said yes. He asked me on a bench on a hill in a city that we love and have made our own.
I will get up and walk the dog at 6:30AM, I will eat some fruit as part of my breakfast [we don't have a dog, but Mark is always nagging me to eat down the frozen fruit in the fridge and make sure I don't buy more fruit than I can eat.]
I will shave, I will clean the sink after I shave [in our case, it's clean the sink after you use your mineral makeup that gets everywhere. But I identified.]
I will be at work by 8am, I will sit through two hour meetings [I hate two hour meetings, but tell me again how they are my partner's fault?]
I will say yes when you want me to say yes, I will be quiet when you don't want to hear me say no [I find that being quiet during a fight keeps me from saying things I'll regret later. I find that saying, "I'll try" helps me end the fight sooner.]
I will take your call, I will listen to your opinion of my friends, I will listen to your friends' opinions of my friends, I will be civil to your mother [Mark gets annoyed when I leave my cell phone off or in my pocket or downstairs. We don't let our friends meet, and we like each other's friends, and both of our mothers are perfectly plesent. So 1-3 here.]
I will put the seat down, I will separate the recycling, I will carry your lip balm, I will watch your vampire TV shows with you [This guy needs to move to a neighborhood with single stream recycling. I do take out the trash. I carry my own lip balm, or forget it, and I think shows like 24 and heroes are just as bad as crap vampire TV, and I don't watch any of it. So I guess 0-0 on this one.]
I will take my socks off before getting into bed, I will put my underwear in the basket [STORY OF MY LIFE YOU GUYS!!! WHY CAN'T I JUST LEAVE MY DIRTY CLOTHES ON THE FLOOR UNTIL LAUNDRY DAY?]
And because I do this, I will drive the car I want to drive [OBVIOUSLY, I NEED ONE OF THESE. EVEN THOUGH I TAKE THE BUS.]
Charger: Man's Last Stand
Did you also find out, watching TV last night, that you are not only a man, but that that discovery suddenly made you terrified of getting married, resign yourself to a life of acting as your spouse's purse, or at least instantly go out and register for a dodge charger?
P.S. I will point out that I liked this ad until I realized it was a guy talking to his wife. Because I think there was a way to do this ad without being sexist, and it would have been funny, and the feminist blogosphere wouldn't be so angry. But Dodge failed at that, like they fail at making reliable cars that people want to buy.
P.P.S. It occurs to me, by pointing out how sexist this ad is, our relationship seems...questionable. But I'm a scatterbrained slob and Mark's a neatfreak and we've known that since day 1, so we work around it.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
- Naming tables after buildings at the University of Maryland. We get to put some Terrapin Pride out there, and maybe write a little about the building or the significance of it to us on the back of the card, in case guests are interested. For example: "The Diner: Offering to buy Mark dinner in the North Campus Dining Hall to "use up her points" was one way that Ellie managed to finally convince Mark to spend some time with her." Or "Stamp Student Union: Mark and Ellie went on several dates here to movies and free school events." Bonus assignment - we could go take pictures at the UMD campus of us and the buildings. Or we use the set of postcards I have from UMD that I've never used, but have.
- Use our engagement pictures and just slap on a number in some kind of opaque format over our smiling faces.
- Make table numbers out of wood, or plants, or acorns glued to wooden plants. Basically, something nature-y is what I'm saying. Name tables after trees, plants, flowers, birds, and other nature-y things.
- Name our tables after streets in Baltimore where we live, work, play, or regularly get stuck in traffic.
- Using white cardstock and printing numbers in large font on them. Preferably something fun from www.dafont.com. Maybe we'll frame them. Otherwise they'll just go on the memo clips I already have from my sister. No, it's not original. But we aren't being graded on originality, are we? If we are being graded at all, originality is about 10% of the grade. 90% is whether people can find their seats. Oh right, and this would be pretty much free/supplies on hand.