Monday, February 1, 2010


Both Meg and Cupcake Wedding have great posts up about men in wedding planning, from two totally different perspectives. I want desperately to weigh in, but I have about 5 assignments due this week, and my first hearing!

So for now, I will say this. I am continuously torn between being annoyed at Mark for cramping my style, and being grateful to him for how much he does. For taking over the catering hunt, even though it means that things happen a little slower than I would like. For being willing to do the large-scale DIY projects and being psyched about them. When I first came to him about wanting to make signs for our venue, I was afraid he would shoot me down. (Like he has done with well, several dumb ideas I've had; hence the cramping my style.) Instead, he took the project and ran with it, and now I'm not allowed to touch it. (Hence the cramping my style.)

Wedding planning, as Cupcake Wedding points out, continuously reflects our relationship dynamic. I'm the creative idea person, the verbose writer, the person who knows what she wants. Mark is the executor of the ideas, the editor (he edits pretty much every post before it goes up), and the guy who only knows he doesn't like something, but can't say what it is he would like until it is put in front of him. And so it goes.
What's your planning dynamic?


  1. Well said! Sometimes I wish Ryan would just shut up and let me do what I want, but he has been so freaking helpful that I bite my tongue and work out a compromise.

  2. hehe, it's definitely more of a learning process than a planning process when it comes to weddings. Of the things that need to be done for the wedding planning, I've left the boring/non-artsy things to him 'cause he is indifferent about that stuff. My husband is OK with taking direction/orders but it has to be at his pace so I have started making lists for him & approximate times of when it needs to be/when I want it to be done. Then I don't need to annoy him and remind him every other day because I'm getting impatient about his lack of proactive-ness. The list ensures that I know it's in his brain and that he has registered the task into his mental schedule and that it will get done by my deadline. Plus it's extra re-assuring to know that the list is on his gmail so he can't avoid looking at it ;)

  3. Yes--for me I think the key is time. He's happy to say that he'll take something on but the question is always when!! He said he would do the invitations because he had a really clear idea of what he wanted to do as far as the design and that he wanted to use recycled paper. Who found the paper? me. Who thfound the font? me. When did we say we wanted to send out the invitations? December. Have they been done yet? no.

    The funny thing is that he plans events and gets every thing done really early for his events but not for this event. hmmmm...

    Making a list of whats and whens is this weeks project for me--so that he can see how many different things need to be done in the next few months!

  4. FOB is the staff man. Researches all the options , checks all the costs etc. Develops briefing paper for the MOB who is the executive, the boss, The big kahuna, the Princess regent etc.

    This is not just for weddings, it's everything.

    Get used to it guys

  5. Haha FOB, I'd say "get used to it, people who marry lawyers" because that's how we do it in my household.

  6. Ouch. I feel like a sexist pig after reading Meg's post.

    The thing is, my guy really is a very sweet, goofy person who isn't great with details. He cannot budget his finances to save his life. He always misses deadlines. But he is amazing at building things, reading people and making sure everyone around us is having fun and comfortable.

    He balances my dictator tendecies, reminds me to chill the fuck out. So our relationship/wedding planning roles have nothing to do with gender and everything to do with personality and balance.

    Sigh. Still feel like a sexist pig.

  7. My fiancee and I were discussing this last night, before I read any of the three posts on hubbys in planning (creepy, huh?) I am the analytical, detail-oriented one. I double- and triple-think every detail, and need to make a plan for everything. Jake runs his world by his feelings, and can see the big picture before I even get past the one minute detail to realize there IS a big picture! :)