Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Hometown Party?



On the current wedding invite list are 3 of my friends from high school. I may add one more, but probably not, because once I invite one, the floodgates open to the rest of them.
It occurred to me though, that my high school friends are a bunch of big nerds. They are all terrible dancers (myself included). I had to strongarm a number of them into going to prom (I was in charge of selling tickets.) They are not really the "wedding" type, and that is a big part of why they aren't on the invite list. They also don't know Mark that well. But the idea of not celebrating our wedding with them made me sad, especially after another friend of mine from high school announced his engagement and invited pretty much everyone we know to the hometown party (he's getting married in Australia.)

So I fell to thinking about what to do. I didn't want to just cave and invite my 12 high school buds (and dates) to the wedding - the crowd would be unmanageable and I don't think they would enjoy themselves. Throwing a hometown reception seemed excessive since well, we're getting married 45 minutes from my hometown. (3 hours in traffic, but that's Baltimore/DC for ya.) The thing to do, I have decided, and Mark is on board, is to simply have a bar night, similar to the night before the wedding, sometime around Halloween or Thanksgiving, to celebrate, and I'll pick up the tab. It is, believe it or not, cheaper to stand 15 friends to drinks than to invite an extra 5 people to the wedding. So bar night it is. I know that if I got an invitation to a party like this with my friends from high school, I wouldn't be at all offended, and I am actually hoping to start this as a tradition with my friends, cuz I think it just might work for all of us.

The question is though, how does one invite people to a "sorry you made the B-list for my wedding" party? For a destination wedding, we could swing the "we got married far away, but we want to celebrate with you!" angle. For a courthouse or small wedding, we could swing the, "we got married with just our close family, but we want to celebrate with you." I can't write "we got married with the people that really matter to us, but we still want to celebrate with you!"

I could just ignore it and send out a "join us to celebrate our marriage" invitation, but uh, that is lame. I feel like I have to acknowledge that they weren't invited to the wedding, but not make it sound like the night will be spent rehashing the wedding, and also not offer a lame excuse of apology for the whole not-invited-to-the-wedding-thing. I'm thinking of something along the lines of, "We got married; sorry we didn't invite you; but aren't you glad you don't have to buy us a gift? Come celebrate! Drinks are on us!" Or just sending that wording out with this SomeECard Invite. Or something really honest like, "Weddings are expensive, and you guys are cheap drunks. Let's go to the bar."

So brainstorm with me! How do I do this suavely? How do I avoid hurting feelings?

9 comments:

  1. I think there's multiple ways you could approach this. You can acknowledge all of the reasons you gave for not inviting them to the wedding (cost, expenses for them, idea that they wouldn't enjoy themselves) and then send out an invite with one of the phrases you mentioned (personally, I love "Weddings are expensive, and you guys are cheap drunks. Let's go to the bar."... sounds like something we would send out too).
    Or you don't have to mention the wedding aspect of it at all. I think there is the possibility that if you mention how its a substitute to the wedding that they weren't invited to, it might make them feel bad. The more you make the get-together about the wedding/marriage the more likely it is there could be bad feelings going around. Obviously that depends on your friends and only you will really know how they're likely to react. But I say just ignore the wedding aspect of it and turn it into a mini high school reunion which just happens to coincide with the two of you getting married.

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  2. Well, whatever you choose to do, now it won't be a surprise to me!

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  3. I personally would just not mention anything about the real wedding vs. b-list bar night. I wouldn't even call it a b-list bar night 'cause it's a completely different celebration with completely different people. I don't think there's a need to advertise to your bar-night guests that there's another party they didn't get invited to. If they ask, just say that you felt the bar night was a better way to celebrate with your high school crew.

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  4. I second not mentioning anything about the real wedding v. b-list. I think most people understand that weddings and guest lists are complicated and will be pleased to be invited to something. If you want to stick with the someecard themes (which I love, btw), you could also go with the "who wants to go to a floofy wedding anyway?" approach. Good luck!

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  5. I like your ideas. As long as you keep it light-hearted, I doubt they'll be offended, and I would guess that they'll understand, especially if some of them are married too.

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  6. It's crazy that it's cheaper than inviting them - weddings are such a $$$ eater. I'd be thrilled to celebrate with you in any form. I am sure they will feel the same way.

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  7. I dont think you can celebrate your wedding with people you dont invite. Cant you just hang out with them in a non-wedding related way? Then you can catch up with them without chancing them getting offended over not being invited?

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  9. I like your sommeecards :)

    We have not gotten to that point yet, but I am totally nervous about it.

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