Saturday, April 3, 2010

Being a True Bride

Recently, something happened that made me feel like A Bride. I don't mean I tried on a veil and cried and said "OMG I'm getting maaaaaaarrrrieeeeeeeeeeed!!!!!" I mean I did things that Brides do. I made decisions about our weddings without the input and consultation of the groom.

I decided to hire a florist. Mark, while not initially on board, got more on board after my disaster trial. He got even more on board once I got price quotes from two separate florists for personal flowers for under $400. In my urgency to get the florist-hiring done, I asked him if it was okay if I met with the florist while he was at work. He said it was fine. I asked him if he had any opinions about flowers. He said he did not, only that he cares that they are as local and as "green" as possible.

So I met with the florist. We emailed pictures back and forth and I emailed the most relevant ones to Mark.
I checked in with him about what he might like in his boutonniere. He said astrolomeria and hypernicum. The rest of the flowers and florist meetings were all me. I was the one who decided that the first florist I met with...rubbed me the wrong way, even though I didn't know why. I was the one who went to a second meeting to another florist because I was unsatisfied with the first one. I made the decision about who to hire.
(If you know where I got this picture please let me know. My bouquet will look sorta like this, minus the expensive orchids and plus berries and astrolomeria. This is the first time Mark has seen it.)
Everything was going fine until we got the final price quote and Mark looked at it. He turns to me and says, "burgundy hypernicum for my boutonniere?" I said, "I dunno - did you want green?" He goes, "I dunno, maybe if somebody showed me a picture of what the difference is..."* I told him to look it up himself.

Then he had some issue with the mason jar aisle decorations. I was relieved when Mark said, "Mason jars? Really?" I realized he was right. The florist and I had talked about mason jars on shepherds hooks. I love mason jars, but I was starting to worry that they were "inauthentic" for us because, well, we don't can things. We're not having a farm wedding. We're not rustic. Our wedding, while outdoors, will still have a "classy" feel to it.  
(Miss Cherry Pie, I am not)
So we decided to, for now, scrap the aisle decorations. Then we decided to use the wooden benches that Irvine has instead of chairs for our ceremony, and the shepherds hooks themselves started to feel a little out of place. So I asked the florist if we could scrap the aisle decor entirely, and she said sure. So now we're trying to figure out what to do for that - right now, I'm thinking short galvanized aluminum tubs with potted plants, sitting on the ground. Or nothing, because our venue is beautiful and doesn't need any extra garnishment.

All in all, while I'm happy to have the florist contract signed and done with, and I know it would have been a waste of Mark's time to come to the florist meeting and talk about my bouquet, but at the same time, the whole experience made me extremely happy to not be one of those brides with an uninvolved groom.

*This is when it is, in fact, appropriate to send your partner to, but I think in Wedding Planning World, it would get me called a bridezilla.


  1. ooh, that bouquet is purrrrty. i approve 8000%!

    at my cousin's wedding last summer they didn't decorate for the ceremony at all, and it was in (the not most amazing ever) a church. i don't think anyone noticed or cared! (i noticed, but only because i read too much wedding media.)

  2. I'm realizing that having an involved groom does not mean that he's necessarily involved in every piece of the planning. Like you, I appreciate that this matters to my partner and that he's engaged in the process and the decisions. But, frankly, there's a question about efficient division of labor, and he's not as efficient at a lot of this. So he's picking up the slack elsewhere for us, I'm doing a lot of the background research, we make and implement choices together, and it's working for us.

    And regarding the florals - I'm glad you're figuring out what feels right for you and your venue. And I'm on the "don't worry about the ceremony decor" team, since you have a pretty space already. We have a beautiful outdoor space, and that's all we need. It will save money and stress to not worry about it for us.