Thursday, April 1, 2010

Sometimes, people want to know what to do

My bridesmaids are really great.  We recently picked dresses, and I decided what to do so far as hair and nails go, so I sent them a quick e-mail.  (All names have been changed.)


Hey Ladies!  
So I just ordered the dresses - they should come in around August, giving you plenty of time to get them altered. You each owe me $350, except Becky, who owes me $100 now and then $50 in installments because the dress was a little more than she could pay right now. I know the dresses are navy and Peggy is concerned that she might look pale, but please, please, please don't go tanning. Please also wear sunscreen all summer and avoid being outside in the sun, since I have to be inside stuck in school studying for the Bar.  I would really appreciate it if you all didn't look too much tanner than me. (And I'm so pale to begin with that most of you are at least a shade darker already!)  Since the dresses are strapless, it's also super-important to avoid tan lines. 

I found a stylist who will travel to the hotel and do all of our hair - her travel rates are a flat rate, which is great.  It's $800, so I'll pay $200 and you (plus moms) can each pay $100.  Does that sound fair?  Oh, and the trials are each $50, and if you want an updo, you have to do that and I'll come with you.  Maybe we can all go before my bachelorette party.  Please show me some pictures first so I can make sure that what you have in mind isn't going to be more elaborate than what I have in mind for myself, but otherwise, you have total free reign here to express yourself.  It's up to you guys, but for an extra $45 per person, Sienna will do our makeup.   

Since the dresses are navy, I think that you should all wear champagne wedges (I think champagne is the most rewearable color), except Peggy, who needs to wear flats so I don't look too short.  Please be careful not to confuse champagne with gold or bronze, and make sure I see the shoes with plenty of time for you to return them before the big day!  


Also, accessories.  I think a classic and rewearable necklace like this pearl one would be great with some pearl stud earrings.  I know that some of you already have pearl studs, so go ahead and where whatever you want there, as long as they are studs, and go with the necklace.  (Oh, and half inch or smaller, so they don't overwhelm you.)  No bracelets, rings, or other jewelry though - I want everything to be streamlined. 

There is a nail salon down the street from the hotel, where we can get french manicure-pedicure combos for only $55.  Since your hands and feet will be in pictures, it's important that they all look uniform, so I would appreciate it if you would all grow your nails out starting in September, so they are each 4 mm long past the nail bed - no tips please, they look so fake!  Anna, I hope this doesn't interfere with your piano playing.  Please also don't wear cheap toenail polish this summer - it will result in a yellowing of the nail, which just won't look right in the pictures.  

So the last part is the trickiest.  I know that Julia has been trying to lose some weight, and that Anna and Becky would also not mind dropping a few pounds.  To give you extra incentives, I ordered your dresses in a size smaller than you are right now, and we're gonna start doing weekly weigh-ins to achieve our goals!  


Thanks ladies!  I'll see you all soon!
-Ellie

26 comments:

  1. OH MY GOD - It's April 1st. Christ. I thought you'd suddenly gone crazy :)

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  2. Dude, you just made me snort coffee out my nose :-)

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  3. I think I'm going to copy this and send it to my girls.

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  4. Wow! I was ready to repost this as a testament to my bridesmaids about how NON-bridezilla I am compared to other brides.

    Hilarious!

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  5. LOL!!!!!

    I thought you blew your top there for a second.

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  6. OMG I didn't know if I should tell you you were going crazy or not and I thought I was all wrong about you until I saw the April Fool's tag line. Whew.

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  7. You had me until you said Peggy was not allowed to be tan. Really great!

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  8. Perfect delivery. My favorite part: "Please be careful not to confuse champagne with gold or bronze." Hilarious.

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  9. When I read this part: "You each owe me $350, except Becky, who owes me $100 now and then $50 in installments because the dress was a little more than she could pay right now." ... the first thing to enter my head was "oh, her poor bridesmaids"
    I'm so glad you were joking, I thought you'd lost it and turned into a The Knot bride on me...

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  10. ROTFLOL!! Wow, for about the first few lines, I thought you were for real - a bit odd, but whatever. Then I got to the part about tanning and I was like, "this blogger is kind of pushing it here... she usually seems so laid-back!"

    Haha, love it.

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  11. oh sweet jesus. i almost just stopped reading your blog.

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  12. Hahaha....well, I did actually ask my bridesmaid not to tan before our wedding. Her skin is naturally several shades darker than mine, and she tans very easily. All I asked was that she not deliberately go tanning 2 weeks before the wedding. Was that too much to ask? (I also bought her bridesmaids dress, shoes and jewelry so there was nothing out of pocket for her)

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  13. Hi-larious, that's what I say! thanks I needed it!

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  14. perfect! if i had thought of this gag several months ago i would have decided to have bridesmaids JUST SO I COULD DO IT.

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  15. Wow, that was terrifying. Haha, I didn't realize you were joking until I started reading the comments. Apparently, I am pretty gullible. Great gag!

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  16. hilarious. i read it out loud to my fiance since i thought it was that funny (i usually dont share wedding blogs with him). good one!

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  17. I read it out loud to my fiance as well :P Well played :)

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  18. HAHAHA!! i just ccame across your blog today, so this is my first time reading. i was thinking, shit this girl is CRAZYYYY. glad to see you aren't really a psycho. I have a feeling the bridesmaids are glad, too.

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  19. hahaha, wow, awesome. I am way too gullible for this kind of thing :)

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  20. Man, I wish I had seen this five days ago to send to my brideswomen!

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  21. I am with Beth -- way to gullible for this kind of thing! For quite some moments I thought you were serious and kept thinking "omgosh she can't be for real!?" -- am new to your blog or otherwise it prolly would have been way obvious (esp. since posted on April 1rst..)

    /giggles

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