I could fund this entire wedding out of my piggy bank if I had a dollar for everytime somebody has said, "why don't you just...." Like the answer is so simple, and they cannot believe that I haven't thought about it.
When we searched for the venue, we got asked, "why don't you just pick a place?" by a number of well-meaning almost-strangers, some of whom wondered why we were "being so picky". Well, I'm sorry that I want my handicapped grandmother to come to my wedding! Why don't I just stop wanting her there?
With the invites, when I obsessed over the wording, and was told, "why don't you just keep it simple?" I'm sorry, what is simple? Is simple "parents invite you to watch child marry other person at three thirty in the afternoon?" Because um, meet my family and my parents and our crazy last names. Meet the groom's parents are paying for part of the wedding. There was no simple, so since it was going to be complicated, I only made it a little more complicated by adding more words until we found something we loved.
With the bridesmaids dresses, the "why don't you just"s won't stop coming!* "Why don't you just have them all wear whatever they want?" Um, because that would cause a lot of stress for them, and then instead of having to pick one dress, I'm helping pick four. "Why don't you just pick a line and a color and have them pick dresses?" Um, because the line that most of them picked doesn't have a lot of options. When I was torn on color, "why don't you just alternate?" because I don't know if it'll look good! Or if I like it! When I was torn on styles, "why don't you just have them wear different styles?" Because the line they picked has one dress that looks great, one that is pretty good, and two dresses that would make the skinniest person on earth look HUGE! When I was told, "why don't you just do what you want?" Because these are four of the most important people in the world to me, and I will not have them hating me!
When it came to catering, and I worried about people not liking vegetarian food, or not having enough variety, I got a really big "why don't you just." "Why don't you just serve meat?" Because, to me, there was no Just Serving Meat. It wasn't a simple thing. It was a complicated thing, that invoked my personal beliefs about food, about the environment, and about vegetarianism in general. It wasn't that it hadn't occurred to me to take the easy way out. It was that every time I thought about it, and I thought about compromising my beliefs on this day which was about so much of what we believe, I felt a little sick.
Yes, we could "just" do things and make our wedding a million times easier. But "just" doing things would involve steamrolling over people's feelings, making ourselves uncomfortable, and ultimately, we would be disappointed in ourselves. It's okay to take the easy way out* sometimes, or throw money at problems, but I don't feel the need to act how I wouldn't normally (I'm a people-pleaser) just because it's "my" wedding. If I want my bridesmaids to be happy, I'm going to stress about it. Eventually I'll admit defeat and accept the fact that I can't please everyone and as long as I try, and act nice, my people love me and will forgive me for making tough calls. But there isn't any "just" doing something for most of this stuff, so I'm just going to have to ignore it. Life is complicated, and I'm not sure why we all expect wedding planning to be simple. (Yes, we want it to be simple. But it isn't.)
What are your big "why don't you just..."s?
*I'm not even getting into the "why don't you just go with J.Crew?" because $275 FOR A COTTON DRESS IS NOT A REASONABLY-PRICED OPTION!!!!!
*Can I tell you how well I've been sleeping since hiring a florist :-D?