Thursday, June 17, 2010

Oh, I'm sorry, did you have an opinion?

When it came down to picking the invitations, I feel a little guilty.  Only a little.   I found our invite design.  It was the one.  No other design could POSSIBLY do; and I knew that, because I had been hunting for months for the right design.  I sent the link to Mark and asked if he liked it.  He said sure.  Then I sent it to our entire family and started contacting printers.

Then when we sat down to work out our wording, and Mark says, "Wait, when did we decide to go with this one? What other options are there?"  I will admit, I felt fear catch in my throat.  Was I going to need to throw a temper tantrum?  I wanted these invitations more than I wanted anything else that had to do with our wedding.  I'm serious.  From the very beginning, the invites have mattered to me.  I love stationary.  I love invitations.  I love pretty paper and cute designs and I got way too obsessed with the invites.  I would be damned if Mark was going to swoop in here at the last minute and try to change my dream invitations.

But I took a deep breath, reminded myself gently that Mark doesn't obsessively check out invite sites, and so I showed him the 3-4 options in our price range I had found that weren't too girlie.  I explained the pros and cons of Printable Press, and the pros and cons of Jean M (I do love me some thermography, but their design that I loved was WAY girlie) and the pros and cons of Whimsical Prints and eventually I think he caught onto the quiver in my lip and he said of course we could go with the ones I picked out because he didn't like any of the others that much (by which I think he meant "enough to fight about this.")

He didn't harp on the fact that the shade of green is a little too bright, or that finding our own printer is a hassle, or complain that the cost of the design was too high (it's more than I wanted to pay, certainly.)  He simply let me have this one, after he knew that we were spending our money fairly wisely.  But I still feel a little bad that I wasn't more mindful of his opinion, that I simply found the invites that I liked and clung to them like a 2-year-old at the candy counter.  I do wish we had gone to an invite place together and gone through books and found something together, but I don't wish it badly enough to give up my perfect invitations.  Which makes me feel guilty.

However, we can't be perfect all the time and I think it shows growth and self-awareness that I understand that I made this decision and he let it go.  And I love him for it.

9 comments:

  1. Aww. YES. Sometimes we make decisions based on the fact that one of us just thinks it's REALLY IMPORTANT and the other one doesn't care that much. Good for him for being sweet about it!

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  2. It's okay, you're human! And since you care much more about paper than it sounds like he does, it makes sense that you'd feel more passionately about it. It is very sweet of him to support that :o)

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  3. We had a similar experience with our invites. We designed them together and it was smooth sailing for the most part but I didn't like the fonts he chose. I obsessively downloaded and tried out fonts until I found two I really, really liked. Then I showed it to him and he said he liked them but I could tell he wasn't that crazy about them. So I straight up asked him if he was just agreeing because he didn't care that much and didn't think it was worth fighting over, to which he replied "exactly." End of story.

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  4. haha, i made a few decisions like that and felt guilty afterwards, especially when he was cool about it. :) in my defense, though, sometimes it was like he didn't remember actually having an opinion about it and discussing it until it was already done and he'd say, "when did we decide on that?" can't wait to see the invites.

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  5. Not all decisions have to be fully decided on by both parties. You both have strengths and interests. Some decisions should be a two person thing, but others that fit better with your specific strengths and interests are ok to go the one-person decision route. I'm sure Mark trusts your judgement. Especially after you started to show him how much research you've done.

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  6. Ooh I totally just did this. And I felt really bad. I was getting panicked about making our own cupcakes, because my family just moved house and they don't have a new stove yet. He offered his mom's house... I was reluctant, though, because I thought that might stress her out (and she's already baking us a small wedding cake). So I called around -- without talking to him -- and found cupcakes for a really great price. And then I rashly ordered 250 while I was on the phone with the bakery. The idea of just crossing off "bake 250 cupcakes" in five seconds was just TOO tempting!

    But then I felt immediately guilty. I knew he wouldn't probably mind, but it's our money and I should have at least asked his opinion. :P He was very sweet about it, but said that, yes, next time he would like to make it a joint decision... sigh, it's hard. Because I never wanted to be a take-control bride, but sometimes it just seems easier -- esp. since we've been living in different states for the past 3 weeks and things need to get done (IMHO, at least ;)).

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  7. :-) :-) "I simply found the invites that I liked and clung to them like a 2-year-old at the candy counter."

    I do remember a two year old who could make "taking candy from a baby" into a hazardous contact sport,

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  8. Maybe he's playing the long game?!!

    That's what I think when my Bean "allows" me to have what I want!

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  9. Don't feel guilty. Just let him have something that's important to him in the planning and you're even!

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