Monday, July 5, 2010


Have I talked about our cake before?  I mean, OUR cake.  Our painful process of finding a baker and sitting down with sketches and tasting flavors....oh wait, we didn't do any of that.

Our cake baker is a friend-or.  I think I've said that.  Here's the part I haven't mentioned.  She's Mark's ex-girlfriend.  They dated for almost 3 years during high school and college.

I read a board post on Weddingbee recently where a girl was flipping out because her boyfriend invited his ex-hookup-buddy to the wedding.  I may or may not have told her to get over it.

What bothers me is the extraordinary number of people who have told me not to eat the cake.  They are concerned that it will be poisoned.  Or terrible.  Um.  No.  Please take your insecurities about your parter's ex and go project them on someone else.

I have it on good authority that our baker's cakes are delicious.  She was thrilled with the flavor we chose.  We also had similar ideas about decor, and since our baker has to see us at holidays, she's more willing to listen and do what we want than somebody we just have to pay money to.

We met awhile ago and I think we agreed on something inspired by this, but with less flowers and more ferns and moss and leaves and maybe some turtles(!) instead of birds...
I don't really remember.  But I do know that it will be delicious, and that I'm not stressing over finding a cake baker who will make a cake for less than $7 per slice.

Exes at a wedding? Where do you stand?


  1. One of my exes is a bridesman. So yeah, my fiance and I are cool with him attending. And he's promised to not tell my FMIL, "Your son is marrying one helluva woman. I should know - I've hit that."

  2. I think it depends on the particular relationship. If everyone had moved past it, I would be okay with it. If she still harbored feelings and whatnot, even though he (obviously) doesn't, I probably wouldn't be as okay with it. But if all are friendly, I would think it's fine. We've been together since high school though (we're 26 now), so I can't really say from experience.

  3. I guess it all depends on a number of variables, like how things ended, insecurities, personalities, etc.

    I will probably invite a sort of ex of mine who I've always been friends with. Mr. Beagle is incredibly anti-jealous. So that's not a problem. But I would not appreciate it if he invited his ex — they were engaged to be engaged before they broke up. I don't mind if they talk (which they do) and occasionally see each other (they don't really), but I would prefer she was not at our wedding. She's married now, and I know it's not rational to be so adamant that she doesn't come, but I just don't feel like she's an important part of his life, so she does not need to attend (even though she invited us to hers — we did not go).

    It sounds like you three are all on friendly terms and she is happy for you guys. I would not worry about her poisoning the cake — that is absolute silliness. I can't believe anyone would suggest that!

  4. hah! my ex made our cake! but we didn't realize it until we went in to pick it up and saw him in the back...we weren't on the best of terms, so it was probably best none of us knew that. the cake was delish though! :)

  5. My husband's ex is one of his closest friends, comes to lots of family events (holidays and such) and was one of his groomswomen in our wedding. And although it's been several years since they broke up, she wasn't a high school girlfriend (although they technically met in high school) - more of an adult relationship (end of and post-college, and they lived together for a short bit). So yeah, I don't think it has to be creepy so long as everyone trusts that the relationship is now a friendship/family relationship (as I think my husband and his friend think of each other more as siblings or cousins at this point than anything else) and is ok with it. That doesn't mean there aren't moments for me that are weird, but overall it's fine and we like each other and I accept and appreciate that she is a permanent part of our life. Also, we both had other friends at the wedding who are exes of a sort (either dated or had some physical past with). And that was definitely not weird for us. I can't believe people would think that this girl would poison your cake, unless they know something about her you don't know...

    And Heather, you cracked me up.

  6. well dev's ex is our daughter's godmother (and a great friend of mine) so she is obviously invited to the wedding! none of my exes will be there, but not due to any jealousy issues.

    basically, its personal preference, but in my opinion: suck it up and get over it already!

  7. My ex will be there. We're in the same group of college friends & it's a nobrainer. There's no awkwardness - we had our time of weirdness - that was 12yrs ago. Ummm, it's been a decade - I think we're over it. ;)

  8. Poison the cake?! Hahahah... what?!

    Someone said something to me about a couple of ex's coming to our wedding (First, one of them is married and has a new baby and second, the other guy is bringing his gf of four years, who I adore, to the wedding). I get that it may be weird, but if I keep good, healthy friendships with these people- it shouldn't matter. Of course my fiance and I spoke about it and we both felt it was okay. Besides, I'm marrying him, not them.

  9. I invited my most recent ex (the guy I dated before Mr B) and his wife to our wedding. We went to their wedding too. We catch up for tea occasionally too. I'm friends with most of my ex's. I have no problems with it at all. But I know quite a few people made comments about it to me before the wedding too. I think it's just other peoples insecurities. I think it's really mature of you to be friends with the ex. Shows a real strength of character!

  10. I only have one ex, and we're still friendly but not really in touch anymore so he's not invited. I think if you're okay with it, that's all that matters.

    Love that cake inspiration!

  11. We had a few combinations of "exes" in our bridal party and it was fabulously fun! Everyone stayed friends after break-ups... it's a small county ;-) I thin it's fantastic that she's your friendor!

  12. Most importantly: That cake is so awesome!
    Secondly: Obviously it depends on the situation, and if that person is close enough to be included on the actual invitee list.
    However, i think it might be more awkward for the ex to be used as a friend-or because it might be difficult for them to see their ex get married and to only be invited because they are 'useful'. Know what I mean?
    Again, totally depends on the situation.
    We aren't inviting any ex's. Just aren't really close with any of them any more..

  13. First off - that cake is awesome. Secondly - my ex is my best friend, and although my fiance is cool with our friendship, I don't think he would've been comfortable with me having him in the wedding party. Not because it would make him feel weird, just because he'd be uncomfortable with the questions/insinuations he'd get about WHY he's in the wedding party. And that's ok with me. Just knowing that he'll be there to support us (as we were just at his wedding!) is enough. But yeah, people are definitely weird about our continued, super-close, friendship.

  14. Yeah, I think it's fine as long as there's no tension. I can see why some people would be worried, but people stay friends, and that's cool with me. Fortunately, I won't have that problem at all because neither Daniel nor I are capable of having a pleasant break-up.