Sunday, August 22, 2010

Forgive Yourself

Beth left a comment recently talking about how she spent more on her wedding dress than she wanted to, but that they budgeted for it so she forgives herself.  And that got me thinking about how hard we are on ourselves in this process.  We make ourselves little promises in the beginning of the planning, and then when we reneg on these promises, we are all far too hard on ourselves.

My wedding things I've had to "forgive myself" for?
-buying a dress that cost $500 (it's a lot of money, even if it's a wedding dress) that will cost more than $400 to alter
-hiring a florist instead of DIYing it
-hiring a DJ instead of just renting some speakers
-asking my bridesmaids to buy dresses that cost $200 that they will never wear again
-wanting to buy paper lanterns even though they are wasteful and I do not need them
-wanting a $150 headband.  (I knooooooooow.)
-not having a green-enough wedding (I know some of the rest of you agonize over this)

Look, there are two people who are going to judge you for the wedding decisions that you make:
1. People who haven't planned a wedding, or more specifically, people who haven't planned your wedding.*
2. You

People in the first group don't matter.  They don't know.  Yeah, they might think it's excessive to spend $2k on a wedding dress, but listen, if you pay cash for it and it's in your budget, and you love love love your wedding dress? Go for it.  Look, maybe other people think it's a stupid way to spend money, maybe they think it's a bad investment.**  But consider the number of people that would happily drop that much on a vacation.  Either way, all you get in the end is pictures and memories.

So in the end, the only person left to judge you is you. So take a deep breath and say, "I am not perfect. I made silly promises and set silly expectations too early on in this process.  I have learned that I cannot have everything that I want, and that is okay." And it is okay. It's okay to do what you need to do, even if it isn't what you originally had in mind.  Maybe it means using disposable glasses instead of renting fancy glassware.  Maybe it means using candles in your centerpieces.  Maybe it means spending a lot more to ease stress and worry.  But stop beating yourself up over it.

*Yeah, they're not all the same. Some of my friends got off easy in this whole planning process.  
**Also, screw them. These people don't matter.


  1. Yes yes yes! You say this so well! I had lots of things like this, the dress was just well, the most expensive one :) Here are some more things I forgave myself for...

    1)I bought the stupid corset bra thing that came with the dress even though I've always made fun of them, and ended up leaving it at the hotel where we spent our wedding night (I'm a little proud of that part of it, haha).
    2) I bought a pair of $100 shoes the day before the wedding because I just didn't think the ones I planned on wearing worked anymore.
    3)I should have just paid someone to do my hair, because I have funky hair. I think this is the one place where I regret NOT spending the money on it.

    All these things though are like that, they happened, I made the best call I could and I forgave myself for them.

  2. "I am not perfect. I made silly promises and set silly expectations too early on in this process. I have learned that I cannot have everything that I want, and that is okay."

    YES. And you know what, it absolutely, 100% ended up being better than okay.

  3. I'll buy the paper lanterns off you if you don't need them after your wedding....are they white?? :)

  4. Mistakes make us better people, when it comes to weddings, its a one in a life event and live and enjoy is my view.