In the dream, our wedding was a disaster. For some reason, two hours before the wedding I decided I hated my hair and washed all the hairspray out. Then I had no way to dry it. My bridesmaids abandoned me completely and I was hiding in the basement of the venue trying to figure out what to do next to salvage my appearance and get my makeup on. 3:30 came and went. Then 4:30. I think the wedding ceremony finally started 3 hours late. We begged the venue coordinator for an extra hour or two on the reception. I was distraught and abandoned, and everybody was angry at me for being late. My hair was wet, I couldn't find my dress, and I just felt frantic and stressed out. By the time the ceremony started, it had gone pitch dark. The photographer was nowhere to be found and my husband kept giving me this sad puppydog face. The theme of the dream was, "I ruined my wedding."
When I woke up, my mind kept racing and turning over and over all the tiny disappointments of the wedding day - all the ways that I could have been more organized, done a better job, kept bad things from happening. I feel beyond guilty about what I put some people through just to have our dream wedding and somehow this dream made me feel insanely selfish about the way I acted generally. Sure, our ceremony only started ten minutes late but that was because I freaked out before the ceremony and demanded that we sign the marriage contract before the ceremony - something that could have been done afterwards, I'm sure (although we were so pressed for time with pictures that it wasn't worth it.)
In the space of about six hours, I've gone from feeling really great about our wedding to thinking about nothing but the (minimal) things that wrong and the (minimally) terrible and freaked out way I reacted to things that went wrong. I keep reliving the two hours before the ceremony in my head and wishing I could go back and do them over again. But mostly I want to keep this nightmare from ever coming back. I thought the wedding happening would mean that I didn't have crazy wedding dreams anymore. Can't I have nightmares about my unemployment or how long it took us to open a joint checking account or that we'll never finish the thank you notes?