Thursday, February 17, 2011

Regrets and mistakes.

It turns out that I don't know myself very well.  After our wedding, I have a few regrets, and they aren't the standard regrets.  They are the advice I took from other people and got so caught up in that I missed other key things.

For example, I got so caught up in taking in the faces of all of the people that love us as I was walking down the aisle that I didn't look at Mark until I was halfway down the aisle.  Yes, it was amazing and overwhelming to take in the faces of all of the people that love me enough to show up for our wedding, but I didn't even look at the guy who loves me enough to show up every night for dinner.  This is again why I wish we had done a first look.

I also got caught up in making sure I got to eat the food at the reception.  I really wasn't that hungry, and just ate a few bites of most of it, but I felt like I had insisted so much on wanting to eat that I had to eat.  Really, I wanted to start making the rounds to tables - and since we took time to eat, we didn't get to everybody, which I really regret.  It was one meal out of my life that I should have skipped, and I should have just talked to people.

making the rounds - also, my sister offered me some stuff to cover my tan lines before the ceremony and I turned her down...another mistake - by Prema Photographic

I also made the mistake of assuming I wouldn't really care who saw me before the wedding with my hair done, etc. and that we would have time to return to the hotel.  I should have loaded all of my stuff, including the dress, into one car to go to the salon and the venue.  This would have prevented a lot of the later stress. I can't help but think if I had not been hiding behind another car, my makeup case wouldn't have been forgotten.

Another mistake was letting other people have total control and tell me not to worry about things because they would stress me out.  This led to an incredibly stressful 30 minutes before the wedding because I was assured that everything would be fine, and then suddenly, all at once, it wasn't.

Another mistake and regret is something deeply personal but I'm going to relay it now because it still makes me feel horribly selfish.  My aunt, who my grandmother was living with, and my grandmother, called on the morning of the wedding to pass along their best wishes.  I had followed a lot of people's advice and handed my phone over to my sister the morning of the wedding.  So my sister took the call, talked to my grandmother briefly, and then passed along her good wishes to me.  I never spoke to my grandmother again.

You guys, it was my grandma.  Not some annoying guest who was lost trying to find the venue, or my dad trying to figure out what to buy us for lunch, or something else.  I should have put my hairdo on hold, taken the damn phone from my sister, and told my grandmother how much it meant to me that she called and how much I loved her.  But I was following the no-phones rule.  So if this happens to you, make an exception to the "no-phones" rule that you've made for yourself.  I could have assuaged this guilt by calling her later, but the day snowballed and by the time I called my aunt after the honeymoon to talk to her, she was already very sick.  So if somebody you love can't make it to the wedding because they are sick, call them.  You just never know.


  1. I'm sorry about your regrets Ellie, especially the one about your grandmother. It's hard knowing what you could have done, but you can't dwell on it. Just remember, she was with you that day and sending all her love for you regardless of whether you talked. You can always send you thoughts about her to her now.

  2. I talked to my mother the next day and she was absolutely convinced she had talked to you, so don't let that one worry you.

  3. Thank you for posting this! I worry about this kind of stuff a lot. Sometimes I think it would be better to take a step back and ditch the blogging world for exactly this kind of stuff. I need to stop freaking out over stupid stuff. But your post helps throw things back into perspective, and I really appreciate it.

  4. Thanks for this post. I too found myself following some of these kinds of 'rules' and regretting it. In hindsight it was trying to meet some standard that I didn't really care about but thought I should so as not to be a silly bride(e.g. something pretty trivial like eating your dinner). I'm sorry about your grandma too; I'm sure it was special for her though that you were getting married, whether or not you got to chat.