Monday, March 21, 2011

Monday Marriage Matters: Adventure

My friends, Mike and Stacy, are going on a cross country bike trip this summer to raise money for an organization that helps teachers.  I'm really excited for them, and I'm also really jealous.  I've now been yenning (is that a word? it's the active tense of "have a yen for") for an adventure myself, or more specifically, ourselves.  Getting married is an adventure.  Life after getting married has been really quiet.  Sometimes, it's a little boring.
Marriage is like flower pictures.  Safe and (sometimes) easy and really nice. Mark took this. I was impressed.  

I will speak to this: the biggest advantage of a late-fall wedding is that life quiets down afterwards. Halloween,  Thanksgiving, Christmas weekends were a little busy, but mostly, things were quiet.  We are quiet.  Our weekends are spent doing yoga, chores, hockey, rock climbing, chores, and errands.  If we're together, we're watching TV (we watched all of BSG and just started netflixing the Wire), or cleaning, or fighting about cleaning.  We see friends and family, but there is a distinct lack of a goal or a deadline, which we've always had in some way or another.  Oh, and I don't have homework anymore.  That totally rocks.

I now understand why so many people get married and then get a dog.  It's like, "the wedding is done.  We have TIME!!!"  We have a no-pets apartment, and dogs are expensive (I did almost steal a beagle that I saw wandering the street yesterday with his leash dragging behind him, but his owner was just a few steps away).
This little guy was in his backyard, but was really excited to see me.  

I also understand why people get married and buy a house.  We're not buying a house for awhile (read next week's Marriage Matters for more!), so we need something else.  We can't run together, so we're not going to be training for a marathon together.  We both like having our own separate things that we do, since we value having space, so we're not really looking to crowd each other's separate activities.  We can't take time off work to do a cross-country bike ride, I hate backpacking, and most of the other stuff that we could get into together is expensive.  (See the part where I finally started working again after five months of unemployment.)

Now that spring is here, we've planned a camping trip and signed up for Warrior Dash.  My hope is that since it is more like the scavenger hunt we did last year than a race, we'll be able to stay together.  We've also booked tickets to England for the summer and are planning a possible cycle or hiking trip while we are there. The big dry-erase map is up on the wall and we keep circling places we might like to go.  It gives the whole thing a feeling of Adventure.  But for now, it's a matter of trying to put everyday adventure back into our lives to keep things from feeling slow.  We need to actively make weekend plans without making so many plans that we feel overwhelmed.

Over the weekend, I think we accomplished this pretty well.  On Saturday, we rode our bikes up the Jones Falls Trail to Hampden, which was only a 8ish mile trek, but it was still something new and different.  On Sunday, since we had nothing else to do, we went for a mile-and-a-half walk while I took pictures for a photography project I've been working on.  It's springtime and it no longer makes me cranky to be outside, so hopefully we can embrace the change of the seasons to put a little adventure back in our lives.

The view from the Hill where we got engaged.  

Does anyone have any suggestions for adventures to work towards?  Anyone else experience the same sense of ennui?  What is your next big adventure?


  1. I am right with you on the whole life as an adventure mantra. And I can see how marriage post wedding might seem totally open and ready to fill with new projects. When you've been working on one thing together for so long, it might seem like you need new things to replace that time. Or another big thing to work towards. Very interesting.

  2. Hmm, I think your observation is more of a personal experience. After my wedding life just got busier and way more complicated. We got married in the fall and the holidays were what made it so hectic and the the following year started to get even busier. Once we were married it seemed like all of our everyday problems got more complicated because we had to make joint decisions instead of decisions based on ourselves.

    That's not to say your observation is wrong, I just had a totally opposite experience.