Monday, April 18, 2011

Monday Marriage Matters: Space in our Togetherness

"Let there be spaces in your togetherness, 
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you."
We picked this reading by Khalil Gibran for our ceremony for a few reasons, one being that it fit with giving our wedding party each a line of it, but the other being that we agreed with it.  We believe very strongly in having space to ourselves, in not doing everything together, in honoring each others interests without needing to be a part of them.  

The past few weeks, we've been doing our own thing.  Mark's been traveling, I've been trying to get more involved in both the legal and crafting community, which means that we have been passing a bit like ships in the night.  It's nice, to have these spaces, to be able to pursue our own interests, and to have the support of each other, but we also miss each other.  

So we've found ways to honor the spaces and also come together.  We've planned date nights and gotten home early, given each other rides just to talk to each other, scheduled time to call each other, and done all the other little things we've gotten used to over the last seven years to keep our relationship strong during rough patches.  Over the seven years we've been together, we've had a long distance relationship three separate times, so we've gotten the hang of spaces in our togetherness.  (I imagine that true LDR couples have also got this down.)  

I imagine that over the years, there will be times when we see far too much of each other, and times when, like now, we don't see nearly enough of each other.  The trick is going to be to keep being able to navigate th spaces in our togetherness, and to ensure that we continue to have spaces.  I have seen what happens to marriages when either two people have too much space, or too little, and both are extremely hard to recover from, and not let fester and rot your relationship.  

How do you honor spaces in your togetherness, and how do you make sure to come together when the distance feels very far apart?  

1 comment:

  1. This is one of my most favorite readings from your ceremony.

    We each have hobbies/activities that we do by ourselves, that we support for the other. We also work really hard on saying "I feel low on snuggling" (I know, gag me cutesy) and then we drop everything asap and spend the evening together.

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