Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Honeymoons, and why you can't have another.

We're going to England this summer for my SIL's UK reception.  I'm ridiculously excited about this trip, but when I called it a second honeymoon, Mark said it couldn't be, because we haven't even been married a year.  But the real reason it can't be a second honeymoon, and the reason I think everybody should take at least a few days off after their wedding instead of going back to work on Monday, is because on your honeymoon, you will probably be the nicest to your partner you will ever be in your life.

On our honeymoon, I learned the meaning of the phrase, "honeymoon phase".  Because my husband didn't mind if I was walking slowly; he waited patiently for me to rummage through my purse, he humored me by letting me take 300+ pictures at the zoo.

And THEN, then, I dropped my lens cap in the koala pen at the zoo.  And what did he do?  Took pictures of koalas for me while I found a zookeeper to get my lens cap.  We had a lot more patience for each other.  I ate things I wouldn't usually and agreed to go on a 25 mile bike ride.  He wandered with me into weird kitchen stores where I didn't plan to buy things.  We spent money in ways we would normally argue over, or at least discuss at length.  We were impulsive.  We got lost and didn't fight about it.  Our flight was delayed and neither of us was grumpy.

Am I saying this will happen to you?  No.  You might very well spend every day in your lives cutting each other all kinds of slack and being patient with each other.  Maybe one of you is always game to try clam chowder.  Maybe you regularly go shopping together.  Hats off to you, but we're not one of those couples.  You might also fight a lot on your honeymoon, I don't know if this is normal or was just us.

Usually on trips, we need space.  We build it in.  It turns out, we didn't really want space.  We wanted to cuddle together and hold hands and kiss in public and repeat, over and over, "you are my husband" "you are my wife."

This summer, as we get on a plane at BWI, a bus at Heathrow, and attempt the 55-mile Taff Trail together through Wales, get on a train to Manchester, and finally catch a train to Leeds, there will be, I'm sure, some arguing.  There will be some blaming, there will be some petty bickering, and there will definitely be some "I was right, you were wrong" and "that restaurant was awful!"  But that's okay, because we're still going to have fun.  But it's not going to be a second honeymoon; we're just going to have to settle for it being yet another married adventure.


  1. You're right, there is no other time in our lives where I will allow myself to revel in the continued schmoopy whispers of "you are my husband, you are my wife."

    We're the lucky couple that generally argues leading up to trips, but we're (generally) mellow together during while we travel. And vacations are like mini-honeymoons from life and definitely bring out the romance again (we need mini-breaks for our couple-sanity). But these trips aren't honeymoons. They're about the trip and the adventure or relaxation and not about processing the sheer amazement of what you just went through together. And you're right, there's something magical and sparkly about the way you see your partner on a honeymoon that just won't happen on most trips, or consistently for the entire two week (or whatever) timeframe.

  2. There is nothing like a honeymoon. Not only are you blissfully happy, but an entire year's worth of stress has just been released in the event of a few hours.

    When I think back to our honeymoon, I see our faces *glowing*. We were ridiculously happy. I used to think that honeymoons were an unnecessary expense, especially if you already live together (if you know what I mean) until we had one. Ours wasn't overly expensive, under $2,000 including food, souvenirs, etc, but it was totally amazing.

    I sometimes wonder if we will ever have that back. If we will ever be able to truly abandon our smartphones and our computers and our work lives for wedded-bliss. I hope we can, but I think it will take time and dedication to having that kind of vacation.

    Probably once a month I look at husband and I say "Remember our honeymoon? Remember how *happy* we were?" And we just think about it. Even if it's an inexpensive vacation, I don't recommend anyone start their lives together as a married couple without this absolutely essential part of a wedding.

  3. Lessons We learned from our Honeymoon YMMV
    1)Keep MOB warm whatever it takes. No mountain camping.
    2) Keep MOB supplied with all requirements for Photos at all times.
    3)MOB drives ,FOB navigates
    4) MOB chooses hotels, FOB chooses food sources
    5) FOB must always know how many feet, meters, furlongs, miles it is to the nearest Bathroom.

    6) If either FOB or MOB thinks anything is too expensive, it is and you will regret it.
    7) Take Photos of the two of you together, you can always find pictures of bridges beaches and mountains, you can never go back and get more pictures of you as a Honeymoon couple.
    8) Stop to take pictures of a pretty flower. Put MOB with the flower.
    9) keep a roll of paper towels and a box of kleenex in the car at all times.
    10) Do not plan anything which requires getting up early without a signed notarized sealed engraved contract witnessed by a judge and a psychiatrist. Then still forget it.

    It's worked for 36 years

  4. We always travel well together, but I'm definitely hoping for the ridiculous honeymooner type glow.

    Love the FOB tips!!