Monday, June 13, 2011

Monday Marriage Matters: 10 Things I Love About Being Married

I was thinking that I tend to talk a lot, openly, about the really difficult parts of being married.  And marriage is hard, but it's also awesome.  So I thought I'd talk today about the top 10 Things I Love About Being Married.  These are all subtle changes I've noticed over the past eight months, small shifts in our relationship dynamic as we transition into being Married, rather than just living together.  When people ask me if I feel different, I tell them yes, and they're always surprised (so why ask the question?).  So yes, being married is different.  And awesome.  So:

10 Things I Love About Being Married

1.) I am always happy to see my husband when he gets home.  Unless I've just spilled something/made a giant mess, and then he walks in on the kitchen and I'm standing on the floor in the middle of a pile of spilled peas.  Which he takes much better than he used to, and he just asks if I would like some help.  By which he means he will go get the broom.  (Marriage is awesome, not perfect.)

2.) We have fun.  We've been dating each other a little more lately, as cheaply as possible.  We've been to two movies lately, since we had Fandango coupons from Living Social, and we went to the beach, and we've been going on long bike rides to train for our upcoming UK trip. We didn't spend this much time together when we were in college or I was in law school, at least not without schoolwork hanging over our heads.

3.) When I dress up, my husband notices. This either is new-ish, or I spend so little time dressed up these days that I'm making it easy for him.  Either way, I like it.

4.) I get to use the term "my husband", which I'm a big fan of.  You may have noticed I throw it around a lot.  When I need to get out of something, I can usually just say, "I'm sorry, I have to check with my husband," or, "You'll have to ask my husband about that."

5.) We are a team.  We have combined finances, so we have a joint ownership feeling over our money and how we spend it.  We ask each other before making financial decisions.  When I had my last job interview, we stayed up for an extra hour talking about what questions I might get asked and how I should answer them. We undertake projects together and feel proud of ourselves when we are successful.  

6.) We are there for each other.  When something happens that totally sucks, like, say, getting laid off, my husband was completely there for me.  In a "we're going to be okay" way that he couldn't have been before we were married.  Everything feels just a little bit more secure than it did before we were married.

7.) We are constantly learning.  We are learning things we like to do together, we are learning more about each other, we are learning more about ourselves.  We are learning to be patient and accepting and caring.

8.) We try to be better for each other. I try not to leave my cereal bowls lying around the house, he tries not to complain when I inevitably forget. We make an effort because I know that not making an effort leads to a lifetime of resentment.

9.) His parents let us sleep in the same room when we go to their house.  When we visit his grandparents, we've already been invited to stay with his aunt and uncle. Who will let us sleep in the same room.  No more twin beds for us! (Except...uh...we're staying in hostels for the rest of the trip. That's so not the point.)  But the point is, our families see us as our own family, and they respect us.  It's cool.

10.) We don't have to plan a wedding anymore.  Sure, I miss planning sometimes, but I don't miss us planning.  I don't miss spending all of our weekends and free time talking about weddings.  I don't miss driving to the vendors and the meetings and the feeling awkward and the thousand tiny decisions to make.

What are your favorite things about being married or what do you look forward to the most?


  1. Ellie, I really enjoyed this post - it makes me look forward to marriage even more! A lot of the items on your list were things I had not even considered. Right now the thing I am most looking forward to is being done with this damn wedding! Although I am also guessing we may be in for a bit of a letdown when it's over and we have all this free time again... What on earth will we do with ourselves?

  2. My top favs:

    #1 We get to sleep in the same bed at relatives' houses. Sounds like a small thing, but it's weird, when you already feel married, to run up against this sign that you clearly *aren't* seen that way, in someone else's eyes.

    #2 I'm on his insurance, instead of paying obscene rates for sh*tty coverage, like I did the last time I was unemployed.

    #3 I can use the "have to ask my husband" excuse. I feel a little guilty about using this, since I used think it sounded terribly confining and old-fashioned, to have to check w/your spouse before you did anything. But since then, I've learned it's mostly just a cop-out... I don't necessarily NEED to ask B, but it's an easy way to deflect everything from events I don't feel like attending to annoying salespeople. ;P

    #4 No more wedding planning, no more "is there a ring on that finger yet?!" questions from eager friends. No more being dragged into the bouquet toss. YAY.

    #5 Tax break. Especially nice because I know this works the opposite way for lots of couples (I'm assuming b/c they make more, though, so I don't feel *that* bad ;)).

    #6 Sharing money (we technically have our own personal accts., too, but right now, things are too tight to make sure we both get "splurge" money). We considered doing this before we got married, and we also considered keeping things separate after. But this method works for us at this time. It feels like we truly have each other's back. It also makes us think twice before we purchase something... will it work to the good of our family? vs. "I want a new pair of shoes right now!"

    #7 I get to call him my husband, which feels more appropriate than "boyfriend" or "fiance" (that always sounded so affected to me, though I used it anyway). BF just wasn't the right word, after about year 3 together... partner didn't feel right, neither did lover or significant other. It really bothered me when I had to list him as my "friend" on contact forms, or list myself as "single."

    #8 Our families and friends understand how deeply devoted we are to one another (even co-workers and strangers assume this, based purely on convention). It makes my heart happy to have that acknowledged.