Monday, August 22, 2011

Monday Marriage Matters: Beyond flowers: easy ways to say “I’m sorry I was such a jerk last night”

My husband has never brought me flowers because we had a fight.  I have never brought him flowers.  The thing we do for each other when we have a fight (or simply, one of us acts like a jerk) is pretty simple.  For starters, we say, "I'm sorry I was such a jerk last night."  Nothing helps like apologizing.  Flowers say, "I'm sorry you got upset."  Actually apologizing says, "I was a jerk, I know it, and I feel badly about the way in which I acted or the things I said." 

If I really want to show that I'm sorry, I try a little bit harder to alleviate the tension that caused the fight.  If we have a fight about general cleanliness, the day after a fight, I'll often find myself picking up around the house.  I look for organization solutions that are creative, inexpensive, and help stave off future arguments.  I speak up before a situation gets out of control and leads to a fight, so we can talk through the issue before talking turns into shouting.  Last Wednesday, we left for my sister-in-law's wedding, which was a stressful departure.  Once we had calmed down, we talked through coming up with a strategy for leaving tomorrow for our trip to England so that we don't have a stressful departure.  Will it work? Maybe, maybe not.  Only time will tell.

How do you say/show you are sorry?  Do you get your significant other flowers?


  1. this is so true- a direct apology is the best way to go. One of the things Rob and I do when we're cooling down is write to each other. Our thoughts can be clearly expressed and shared that way. We keep those letters and it also helps us see if on some level we have been in this place before.

    That being sad, I *love* fresh flowers... so I buy them for myself. ;-)

  2. I just apologize and say I know I was wrong. I do no require flowers for an apology either, just a simple I am sorry and that they recognized they were wrong will do i for me.