1.) Marriage is kind of difficult, but the thing that nobody tells you is that once you get married, people treat you like a grownup. And being a grownup is really effing hard and kinda really sucks. This is compounded by graduating from school in the worst legal job market in many, many years, and having to deal with being a grownup and being unemployed. So marriage is hard, but being a grownup is really hard. I don't know if marriage is easier for people who get married later and were already a grownup first, but I'm curious.
2.) Nothing shuts people who ask, "how's married life?" up faster than saying, "It's really really hard. But I think that's just because I'm unemployed and pretty bummed about the future a lot of the time and I sort of take it out on my husband." If you too find this question annoying, I highly recommend oversharing about all of the ways that being married is really hard.
9.) Building a life together is no small thing. There are matters of geography, of priorities, of health insurance and vacation time and how much time is a reasonable amount to spend with the in-laws. There are questions of spaces in your togetherness, and making sure you spend enough time together to make sure the other person still feels like a priority.
10.) It is okay to put your marriage first. Even my parents, who are, and I mean this in the most loving way possible, Dad, the neediest people I know about seeing us, are amazing understanding when I say, "my husband and I need to do x". My work understands when I say that I have to check with my husband to see if it's okay for me to stay late, come in early, or take a road trip to Pennsylvania. I turned down a potential job because the hours it required would have put too much of a strain on my marriage, and even in this economy, this was completely understood by everybody I talked to about it.
All pictures by Prema Photographic or personal photos.