Friday, June 22, 2012

Missing

On Tuesday, I went to the gym.  I changed and put all my stuff in my locker.  On Wednesday morning, I went to get my rings out of my bag.  Only my wedding band was there.  My beautiful, sentimental, thoughtfully designed engagement ring was nowhere to be found.
Everyone keeps telling me it'll turn up.  I've checked the gym.  I've checked the grocery store.  I've scoured the car and the apartment.  It has yet to turn up.  I'm holding out hope, but I'm also devastated.  

Yes, it's insured.  But the center stone that my Aunt gave me when I was 16?  There is no insurance on sentiment, and if it's lost, I can't get that back.

I love my engagement ring.  I love how many people notice it and comment how pretty it is; I love that my husband designed it using elements of celtic symbols, I love the annoying way it traps dirt, I love how I thought we couldn't possibly find a band to match it and then the stock size band fit perfectly.  I had even made my peace with how big it was for me, and had just started wearing it again with the arrival of summer because my fingers were finally swollen enough for it to not fall off.
My biggest fear oddly, isn't that somebody stole it and sold it for drugs or something like that.  My biggest fear is that somebody found it and didn't realize it's my engagement ring, and just kept it because they think it's a neat cocktail ring or something and they have no f*cking clue how precious it is to me.  

When it comes to the issue of whether or not to replace it, I just don't know.  It is insured, so that's not the issue.  I feel like an engagement ring is  a symbol of a promise that my husband and I made to each other before we walked down the aisle, and there is no replacing that.  I mean, what the hell is the point of replacing it?  Every time I looked at my replacement ring, I would be reminded of my carelessness and failure, and I would remember that this ring isn't my real ring.  I always expected to pass the stones along to my children, but I also planned to keep my ring.  Because it's mine and I love it and my husband made it for me.  At the same time, the ring is a symbol of how much my husband loves me - he poured his heart into designing this ring for me, and that meaning doesn't go away just because we got married.

I know I'm not the only one who has done this, so reassuring stories about finding your ring when you thought it was lost forever are appreciated, as are your thoughts on replacement.  Is it silly to replace it?  Is it ridiculous not to replace it?

7 comments:

  1. I am so, so sorry. I'm pretty sure if this happened to me I would just cry for days. Here's hoping that it will turn up when you least expect it-- I know how much the ring means to you.

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  2. That is awful! It is definitely heartbreaking to lose something so precious.

    I don't know if this will help at all, but my wife and I are actually BOTH on our second engagement rings. Her first one was a tiny, tiny bit loose and slipped off while she was swimming in a cold river. We actually still have my first one, but it got a tiny bit too small for my ring finger and the metal is too fragile to resize. We just made our second-ring experiences special. We picked out both second rings together, and then 're-proposed' to give them new special meaning to us. They certainly won't ever be our first rings, but I know that personally, my second ring is incredibly special to me as well.

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  3. I'm so sorry!

    Like Helen said, I'm not sure if this will help at all - but:
    One of the first rings my mother bought with her own money, after she started working, was a silver ring made of hearts nested into one another to form a chain - it's a rather unusual design. When her mother (my grandmother) died and left her gold jewelry that she didn't really love, my mom had the gold melted and made a second ring with the same design, and then wore it all the time (often on her left ring finger, sometimes alone, sometimes stacked with her wedding band). The original silver ring got lost somewhere along the way. When I turned 16, my mom used the gold ring to create a silver ring with the same design for me, so we had matching rings. Last year, my mother lost her gold ring at the pool. She was heartbroken - there's very little left of my grandmother's things - but she took my silver ring and made a new gold ring using it as a model (to make things even more complicated, I'd lost one of the hearts along the way, and it had been replaced with a similar, but non-matching, heart). So today, neither of the "original" rings - the silver one that my mom bought with her own money, or the gold one made from my grandmother's jewelry - exist. The design has even changed over time. But it's still meaningful to both of us. I hope to pass the ring on to a daughter some day, even if it's not the exact same one (in material or in design) that I or my mom have in our possession today.
    I don't mean to downplay the importance of your engagement ring, and I'm sure that whatever you decide to do, should it fail to turn up (I will keep my fingers crossed for you!), will be meaningful to both you and your husband. But I think that sometimes heirlooms and sentimental items can go beyond the exact physical identities and still carry on all of the memories and emotions attached to it.

    Good luck, Ellie -

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  4. Keep calling the gym. Ask if they would let you put up an announcement in the women's locker room with your name, number, and a pick of the ring. Say on the sign that it is your engagement ring.

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  5. Ugh, that blows. I'm so sorry you lost it. I don't have any advice, but I agree . . . it's not really about replacing the ring, is it? Keep asking around; I sincerely hope it turns up somewhere.

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  6. That absolutely sucks. I've heard of people finding their rings caught between the lining of the bag and the bag -- doesn't hurt to check again. Will the gym let you print a "missing engagement ring" post w pictures and keep it in the locker room for a couple of days?

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