Monday, December 17, 2012

The hard things.

This blog has gotten pretty quiet, and this isn't an apology or really an explanation (and it will definitely not be accompanied by an ultrasound picture to explain my absence or anything), but more of a musing on why I'm not as keen to write.

When I saw Meg speak in January, I asked her about blogging and having a private life.  She said that she doesn't write about things that are a) not up for discussion or b) not something that belongs on the internet.  Other bloggers have shared their strategies, that for example, they do not share about fights they have with their partner until the issue is resolved, and some people don't share their fights at all and I feel both inspired by and inadequate because of their perfect relationships.  I've had people ask me to share particular things on the internet, which is extremely flattering, but the flattery isn't worth jeopardizing my relationship with people I'm friends with or related to in real life, so I don't.  Because those things aren't up for discussion.

I also have a job that requires a lot more discretion than some.  I would never ever want my clients to think that I use them for blog fodder, that I would write about them in a way that demeans them, or really, at all, and I would be absolutely humiliated if opposing counsel found my blog and thought, "she writes about weddings?" or found my blog and thought it meant that I wanted their comments or input on my marriage.  Or really, found my blog and thought anything about me at all.  I also don't want to tip my hand about how I feel about any upcoming cases or any issues of law that I might then go into court and zealously argue against.  In short, I think writing about work here would be thoroughly unprofessional.

But sometimes I have hard days. Sometimes I have cases that make me really sad, or really angry, and my husband asks me about my day but he doesn't really want an hour long rant about my job.  When I talk about it when we are out with friends he nudges me because I'm going on and on and because it's boring and depressing.  I don't really share an office space with anyone I can share with emotionally, and so I get very in my head about work.  I don't have a very good outlet for that, for processing through everything, and for making connections and learning from my cases.  I'm afraid that if I write anything, I will write everything, and that would be bad.

So simply put, that's the heart of why I don't write much anymore.  My personal life has become intensely personal, my professional life has become intensely professional, and I do not want to incur the wrath of anyone for sharing my life on the internet but being unwilling to share all of my life on the internet.  I will continue to post when I'm able to string thoughts together, and when it's appropriate to share, but I cannot make promises as to content or frequency.